First, let me clarify, I had a lovely day yesterday. I got an awesome Camelback backpack and some funny socks from Robert. I was strongly encouraged to not study and to enjoy my day. I did this, however, I am regretting it a wee bit today as I have stacks of reading to finish before tomorrow. We had a fun afternoon together cooking my birthday dinner. I know that may not sound fun to everyone, but I picked out some of my favorite dishes to share with some Flagstaff friends, and R and I really enjoy cooking together. We have not done it a whole lot since moving here because our counter space is about 2 feet long, which is not conducive to two people working side by side unless you are very patient or careful! We made hummus and baba ganoush with pita chips and carrots for dipping. We made spinach pie (like one giant spanokapita, only easier) and grilled fennel couscous salad. At my request, Robert made me a banana cake with caramel frosting.
We shared this feast with A and J, who as you can tell are already frequent flyers in my life here, B that I work with and her little son L, and two new friends from my SUS program, C and T. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my birthday, so I was happy and content at the end of the day. I also received phone calls and texts from family and friends as well as a million facebook messages. I think it is the last bit that makes me a bit sad and lonely right now. In particular, I miss my family. Some might find that a little weird as I am not super tight with most of them. My most regular contact is about weekly phone calls with my mom, and talking with my siblings is sporadic at best. The thing is, that up until three years ago, I saw them about once every few months. Consider my travelling history, that is pretty good. Life has made it pretty fortunate and easy for me to make my way back to Madison and Louisville either through proximity, job perks, or my desire to keep my relationship alive with my significant other after moving to Dallas.
After R and I got married and he moved to Dallas, my trips home dropped off tremendously. Suddenly, with two of us, it meant driving instead of flying, and of course, he had been a part of my motivation to keep returning so regularly. Instead of being there every three or four months, it dropped to about twice a year. It is now September, and I have not been back since December and it looks likely that I won’t be back until this December. This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing my family. The trip is no longer drivable (well, in a reasonable person’s world, anyways), and we are definitely poorer than we were before with me being a grad student and all!
The hardest part about leaving an old life behind and starting a new one is that the old life keeps trucking on without you. I know that is very elementary, but until you experience missing out on significant events like your baby sister’s high school graduation, friends’ weddings and birthday parties, and the birth of your niece, it doesn’t completely hit you. I had no idea how much I would hate not getting to be a full time aunty. How can you love someone so much you have never even met?!? Thank goodness for the electronic age and quick access to pictures, but it isn’t quite the same. I suppose, it is time to get off the “woe is me” bandwagon. I know I made the choices that brought me here, and I hope it is evident from all my other stories, that I am really happy here. Today, though, I just missed my old life with my circle of friends and my family back in Madtown and the Ville.
As your momma, this brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I think we are a close family even if not by proximity. We're here for each other. but i know it's hard to miss the things going on, and the good times. There will be more! And you'll be there for them. We all love and miss you.
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